


6000 Miles: An Unrequited Love Story

by trashie_ashy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, I'm Sorry, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25990183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashie_ashy/pseuds/trashie_ashy
Summary: After years of butterflies and unsure feelings, things finally start going in the right direction for Kenma Kozume, until Kuroo Tetsurou moves for college and things begin to go downhill.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	6000 Miles: An Unrequited Love Story

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the first fanfics I've written in a few years so I hope its alright.  
> This is also written from Kenma's pov so a lot of this is just his thoughts

-Year 2013- 

A few weeks before Kuroo’s graduation 

Kuroo had never seemed so busy before, it seemed as if all he was focusing on was volleyball and school, I mean it was understandable, it was only a few weeks until he was no longer a student here at Nekoma high school. 

It was strange though, not always having Kuro asking me to hang out but also kind of lonely, I assumed not being bugged to play volleyball 25/8 would be a weight off my shoulders, it would free up my time so I could catch up on some games but in reality, I just missed my best friend more. 

I finally decided to talk to my childhood friend about something that’s been on my mind for a few months now, although I would have never been able to work up the courage if I wasn’t being constantly nagged by Shoyo. 

I’m not sure why it was so hard 

It was never this difficult to ask to hang out with Kuro before 

So why now? 

It's not as if he's even going to be here for long 

He told me he got accepted into one of his dream collages all the way in north America 

California to be exact 

It has an amazing volleyball ball team I've heard 

But he’s moving soon almost right after graduation 

But that's why I need to do this 

I need to get it over with now or else I may never tell him 

I keep telling myself it’ll be okay and suddenly the week has already gone by and I'm finishing up practice with my teammates 

Then there’s Kuro 

Just waiting there for me 

A smile on his face 

Just like always 

“Hey Kenma, you ready?” I give a quick nod to him before picking up my bag “ready as I'll ever be” I say quietly and follow him out of the club room, starting our quiet journey back to my house. 

Once we get there, we slip off our shoes and head straight to my room, a place where we already have so many good memories. 

“So, you sounded kind of, nervous when you asked to talk, is something bothering you?” I look up at the taller man and place my bag down. 

“Um, yeah, I guess. I really need you to just listen though, please” Once I see him take a seat and give me his full attention, I pull out a crumpled-up piece of paper from my bag. 

Slowly I uncrumple the paper, trying not to let my body language show how nervous I really am. 

Shoyo said this would work, and he even helped me write the note so what could possibly go wrong? 

I take a deep breath, pushing my hair behind my ears so I can see the paper. 

“Kuro, you’ve been my best friend for years, you noticed me even when I tried to stay invisible. You helped me be a part of something that I actually enjoyed, sure it was hard, and you lied to get me to join but I appreciate you working with me, being by my side this entire time. I, I know next year will be a different story with you going off to college, that’s why I need to get these feelings off my chest.” I take a quick break, trying to calm my nerves while reading the man in front of me. He didn’t seem mad, if anything he seemed happy, he was smiling as he sat there silently waiting for me to finish. 

“My heart beat gets faster when you're around, I feel almost sick there are so many butterflies in my stomach, I didn’t stop holding your hand when you walk me home from practice every night because I want to, it's because I get embarrassed and my heart can't take it. Um, so yeah, Shoyo said I needed to be specific with this part so um, Kuro, I think-no, I know I have a crush on you.” I finally finish, crumpling up the paper in my shaking hands just like I did this morning. I feel fear so I just keep my head down, trying to turn myself invisible like I once did as I wait for something, anything. I'm expecting some sort of disgust or confusion, Afterall it's not exactly normal right? Two men loving one another, I couldn’t remember the last time I even heard about a romance, the romance I want with this man. 

It seemed like hours of Kuro processing everything before he finally stood up. 

I shut my eyes, preparing myself for the worst but instead I'm pulled into the strong volleyballer's embrace, a gentle but secure one, one I felt safe in. 

“Thank you Kenma, that was, beautiful, and honestly, I got a pretty big crush on you too, I just never knew how to bring it up, so thank you” 

I listen to his words and bring my arms up, embracing him back as I crack a small smile. I definitely need to text Shoyo after this and thank him. 

“Thank you too Kuro.” I whisper into his jacket. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

That was a couple of weeks ago, Kuro had graduated with the rest of the third years, and now it was summer break. 

Kuro was gone already though 

But the day he left he actually kissed me, it was gentle, and his lips were soft and tasted like the strawberry pocky I had shared with him beforehand 

And as if it couldn’t get any better, he gave me a sweater, it was red, soft and smelt like him 

He told me to wear it when I think of him, so it's like he’s close 

But I wear it all the time now, day, night, it makes me feel happy when my heart longs for him. 

I know he’ll be visiting during winter break 

But that's still so far away 

Hopefully it doesn’t lose his scent by then. 

**Apple Pie has entered the chat**

Sent 1:47 p.m. 

**Apple Pie**

Hey, are you moved in yet? 

**Rooster Head**

Yeah! Just got one more box of clothes to unpack and I'm done 

**Apple Pie**

Can we call while you unpack? 

**Incoming call from Rooster Head**

I sit up and answer the call, letting a small smile slip onto my lips when I see his face, he seems pretty tired which is understandable, it's almost ten in the evening where he is. “Hey” I say softly, watching the screen and looking behind him at his room. 

He notices this and gives me a proud smile before standing from his desk. “This is my room; I share a dorm with a few other guys but I got my own room and everything!” He sounds so happy and excited which makes my heart flutter. 

“This is my bed, its actually really comfy, I have my desk over here and then some bookshelves, oh and then there's this” I look at where he’s pointing and it’s a picture frame with me and him in it. 

“That look’s really cool, I'm glad you got a good dorm.” 

“Yeah! And there's even someone in the dorm who plays volleyball too, he's really chill, he said he’d introduce me to the team sometime next week. Speaking of which, are you really not joining the team this year?” 

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was going to tell you. I guess it's just not worth it really, now that you’re not here. Plus, I'm sure they’ll find a better setter” 

“No Kenma don’t say stuff like that! You're a great setter, one of the best ones I've ever met, don’t give up just because I'm not there” 

“I know that’s what you think but it's just different, I'd rather spend my last year of high school doing something else y’know” 

“Like playing those silly video games? Kenma what's our team going to do without you? They're still your friends, please just give it another chance, for me, please” 

“Fine I'll think about it” I say quieter, feeling slightly frustrated, I knew Kuro would have this kind of reaction though, he's always like that, has been since we first started playing together. But I still have to admire his dedication to the sport and his old high school team. 

After that small argument we spend a few hours talking until it's time for him to go to bed. Now I'm alone with my _silly_ video games. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Schools back in and I made the decision to not join the volleyball club, I know Kuro will be upset but it's not the same without him. I’m still afraid of letting everyone down so I just make sure to steer clear from the team, for now at least. 

Kuro’s been pretty busy recently too, he joined the colleges volleyball team, and he's making friends left and right. I'd be lying if I said it didn’t hurt thinking about him all the time, I just wish I was honest sooner, then maybe we could've even gone on a date or two, knowing him he would've taken me somewhere to do with science, which still would've been really nice. 

I’d text him whenever I could, and we would call at least once a week. It was sort of hard being 16 hours ahead of him, but we still managed to send goodnight and good morning messages even if it weren’t that time for one another, it was romantic in a way. Sometimes during lunch I’d be able to catch him and we would have a call before he fell asleep, those times were always the best. 

Everything was going smoothly for me, school was easier, I got in a few arguments with my past teammates but they eventually gave up on trying to convince me to come back, Kuro on the other hand was upset and persistent, he wanted our team to thrive, he wanted me to thrive. I ended up going to Shoyo for help, he actually had some pretty good advice so once Kuro was asleep which normally happens by the time I get back home, I sent him a short paragraph explaining that it’s his dream, not mine to play volleyball. He didn’t reply for a few days after that but when he did, he seemed understanding, disappointed but no longer persistent which was a weight off my shoulders. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Kuro seemed more distant, leaving my messages on read, not saying good morning or good night as often. I tried to brush it off, convincing myself that he’s just busy with school and volleyball 

But what if it wasn’t that? 

What if there was a deeper reason? 

But how would I know, I never dated anyone until Kuro 

Never had my first kiss until that day I watched him leave 

I never even realized my feelings until Shoyo explained what it was 

I know instincts are a big thing in relationships 

But am I just lonely? 

Or are they trying to warn me about something deeper? 

Maybe I'm just making things up 

Yeah that’s it 

I'm just lonely and tired 

I'll talk to him this weekend 

For now, I need to sleep 

I glance at my phone, its 3:19 in the morning which means its 11:19 a.m. for Kuro 

Maybe if I text him now, he’ll reply 

But wouldn’t he get worried? 

I could just say I woke up and thought of him 

Yeah, he’d be happy knowing he’s on my mind, right? 

Hopefully 

I half sit up and unplug my phone, turning down my brightness first so it doesn’t hurt my eyes as bad, then I go into our messages. 

**Apple Pie has entered the chat**

3:22 a.m. 

**Apple Pie**

Hey Kuro, I miss you, I hope your day has been good 

Sent 3:23 a.m. 

I wait a few minutes before realizing that he's probably in class or having lunch 

**Apple Pie has left the chat**

3:31 a.m. 

That morning I wake up and quickly pick up my phone, my heart already beating fast with anxiety, hoping to see a message back from him. 

I let out a relived sigh when I see his name on my phone 

**Rooster Head has entered the chat**

4:39 a.m. 

**Rooster Head**

It’s a little early for you to be awake isn't it? 

But yeah, my day has been good, thanks for asking 

Are you alright? 

Sent 4:41 a.m. 

**Rooster head**

I'm guessing you fell back asleep which is good 

We should do a call tomorrow if you're up for it 

I’d love to hear your voice again 

Sent 4:58 a.m. 

I feel butterflies in my chest and smile, he wants to call to hear my voice, and he seemed worried too, I knew it was just my lonely imagination making stuff up. 

**Apple Pie has entered the chat**

7:02 a.m. 

**Apple Pie**

I'm alright I just woke up and thought of you 

But I'd really love to hear your voice too 

It's been awhile since we have called 

So that would be great 

And I'm glad your days been good 

Sent 7:04 a.m. 

I'm not expecting him to text me back right away, he usually has practices after classes which means he’s probably on his way there right now. 

The next day we call after his practice, it was nice, hearing his voice, his laugh again, he seems happy. 

“So were doing laps and Mason forgot to tie his darn shoelaces again and not only does he trip and fall but he takes the rest of us down with him” 

I smile and listen to Kuro as he tells me his stories. 

“Well I'm just glad you're okay” 

“Awe thanks Kenma, sorry I've been so busy, I've been making a lot of friends lately and I even have some fans already! Isn't that cool?” 

I give a small nod and watch him through the screen 

“It is, but I'll still always be your number one fan” I say softly, blushing gently afterwards 

“You're so cute when you flirt” He said with a laugh 

That just causes me to blush a bit more though 

“Hey I wasn’t flirting; I'm just telling the truth” 

I start getting butterflies and look down to avoid his eyes, even if it's through a call 

We spend the rest of Kuro’s night talking, then after he goes to bed, I open up my messages with Shoyo. I had told him I felt worried and just felt like I needed to tell him it was just in my head. 

**Apple Pie has entered the chat**

3:29 p.m. 

**Apple Pie**

Hey Shoyo, I just got off call with Kuro and I'm pretty sure it was just my imagination making me feel like something was wrong 

We actually had a really great convo 

**Tangerine Head has entered the chat**

**Tangerine Head**

That’s great news! I’m so glad nothing bad happened! 

**Apple Pie**

Me too, thanks for helping me earlier though 

I guess other than Kuro you're the only person I talk to 

Thanks for being my friend Shoyo 

**Tangerine Head**

Well I knew everything was going to be okay! 

And thanks for being my friend too! 

Me and Shoyo spend a good portion of the afternoon talking, mainly about volleyball and his new teammates, he always seems so happy and optimistic, in a way I really look up to him. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Kuro had told me that his dorm mates were having a party so he’d be busy that weekend which was okay, a new video game was released recently so I was occupied anyways 

But as the days went on Kuro was distant again 

I made sure not to dwell on it 

After all it was all in my head last time 

He’s out having fun 

Being a college kid 

He also has his first real college match next weekend so he's probably practicing for that 

But still 

It felt off 

He still texted me good morning and goodnight but it felt different 

This time I didn’t text Shoyo though 

I didn’t want him getting worried 

Plus, I just need to get use to this 

It was only a few months until winter break 

And Kuro said he’d be coming home 

He promised to trade sweaters so I had something that smelt like him again 

He also had some more luggage he needed to pick up 

And I'm sure he would want to visit his friends from the volleyball team 

Tell them how incredible the college team is 

Or how much fun he's having with his dorm mates 

To help with my lonely feelings I've started day dreaming a lot more often, mainly about Kuro and what our future will be like. 

I want to take him on a date during winter break and get him a Christmas gift, it will be our first Christmas as boyfriends after all. 

But after a few weeks I found out he's not actually able to come back, he's too busy with school and his volleyball. He won his first game and I understand that he’s an adult but I miss him. He said he would send a sweater in the mail but I want to hold him, I want to kiss him. Our kiss at the airport was too fast, I barely even realized what was happening by the time it was over. I want to be with him. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

It's just after winter break, I sent Kuro my Christmas gift, I just hope he gets it soon. I had just gotten my gift from him so it shouldn’t be too long until he gets his, I'm pretty excited about it because I know he’ll like it. 

I sat in class, listening to the teacher as I stared at the snowflakes falling outside my window. Maybe next winter I’ll be able to go on walks in the snow and build snowmen with Kuro and make hot coca after. While I'm thinking about it, I let out a painful sounding cough, it takes a few seconds until its gone but the teacher still seems concerned. She doesn’t send me to the nurses because class is just about over but she does tell me to make sure I don’t have a cold before coming to class tomorrow. 

That was weird 

I never really get sick 

And it's not like I’ve even spent loads of time in the cold 

Hopefully it was just a tickle and it won't be back 

That’s what I was hoping for at least before the same cough woke me up in the middle of the night 

I felt like I was hacking up a lung 

There was something in my mouth 

It had a strange texture 

And it tasted like blood 

I got up and rushed to the bathroom, spitting into the sink before hitting the light switch just to see 

Petals? 

Was this just a dream or did I seriously just cough up a... cherry blossom? 

The coughing has stopped though so I just stare into the sink 

Too tired to understand what's happening 

I look up into my reflection and wipe the blood off my lips 

This wasn’t a dream 

I could taste it 

Feel it 

But what the hell was _it_

**Apple Pie has entered the chat**

3:11 a.m. 

I know Shoyo wont reply 

He’s probably sound asleep 

I wish I was asleep 

But I needed to figure out what this was 

I sit on the side of the bathtub and open up google, typing in something about cough up flowers and blood. 

The first thing that comes up is Hanahaki disease 

I've never heard of it before but I still open the tab 

“Hanahaki, a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals which grow in their lungs. This is caused when the victim suffers from...from one-sided love. It ends when the victims love returns their feelings or...when the victim dies by being suffocated by the flowers growing inside their lungs. Although a surgery is possible but once the infection is removed, so is any romantic feelings towards the person you once loved...” 

I stare at my phone, re-reading the page as tears well up in my eyes. Surely this isn't it, Kuro loved me, he hadn't said it but he said he had feelings for me, I love him, this can't be it, it has to be something else. 

I go into the chat and delete all the messages I sent Shoyo tonight, I don’t want him knowing, I have to figure out what to do by myself, plus I don’t want to worry him. 

That night I fell asleep in Kuro’s sweater, the red one he had given to me the day he left for college. This was just a dream. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up, I don’t bother looking at my google again or checking the sink for the cherry blossoms, I just get up and get ready for school. 

It was just a dream 

That’s all 

This stuff doesn’t happen in real life 

I make sure to wear something warm in case it was just a chill yesterday.

I hear my alarm go off and grab my stuff for school, without Kuro here to walk me to school I have to make sure I set alarms so I don't miss anything.

As I'm walking to school my mind wanders back to last night. How was that possible? Didn’t Kuro love me back? Or was it a lie? 

I shake my head harshly and look down 

No, it's just something stupid on the internet 

Everyone says don’t believe everything you read so I wont 

If it happens again maybe I'll see the nurse or something 

But it's just my imagination 

I pull out my phone and check to see if Kuro’s texted me at all 

And to my “Surprise” he hasn’t 

But that’s okay 

I'm pretty sure him and his dorm mates having been partying a lot 

Or so I've been told 

So, he’s probably tired, or studying, or practicing 

Or all three, that sounds like Kuro 

I’ll just text him later though 

Maybe we could call this weekend 

I put my phone back in my pocket and finish walking to school. Recently I have been tempted to check in on the volleyball club but I wouldn’t want to get caught or even have to really talk to any of them. 

Before I realize what’s going on, I'm walking towards the gym. I look around casually and when I see no one around I just peek into the gym, looking at the boys while they practice. 

They did find a new setter; he wasn’t necessarily the brains of Nekoma like I was but he seems pretty good. 

Lev also seems like he’s gotten better shockingly 

And then there’s the first years 

They all seem to be having fun 

I didn’t think I'd miss their chaotic energy so much 

I didn’t think I'd miss any of this 

Being a part of something important 

But it's too late now 

I'm happy as I am right? 

Playing my games alone at home 

But maybe I did make a mistake 

I snap myself out of my thoughts when I hear the boys starting to pack up. That means class is about to begin, I'd better get going or I'll be late. 

“Y’know, we really do miss our brains. You may not want to play anymore, but you’re welcome anytime.” I hear from behind me but I just keep walking, not bothering to look behind me, I didn’t want to see who was speaking, I didn’t want to admit that people actually wanted me around. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

I spent the rest of the day trying to focus on school even though I ended up having some sharp coughs throughout the day, luckily though there were no flowers which means I must have just been getting sick. 

Once I got home, I took my temperature and it said it was 100.4 F which meant I had a fever. I must’ve just not dressed warm enough, but that would explain last night and that vivid dream. 

I changed into some warm pajamas and sat in bed with my 3ds, deciding to just play some video games for a few hours until I heard my phone starting to buzz. I glance at it before picking it up and answering. 

“Hey babe, I was hoping you'd answer” I hear Kuro’s tired voice coming from the other end 

“Kuro, what are you doing awake?” I definitely wasn’t expecting a call from him, it was almost 2 a.m. for him, why was he calling 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I’ve been feeling really bad about not visiting” 

“Hey don’t worry about it, you should go to bed” I tell him and end up coughing harshly 

I could hear Kuro sit up in bed from the other end “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah I just have a cold or something, I've had this cough since yesterday” 

“Awe well make sure you're in bed, wear something warm and make some soup or something” He sounded so caring, he definitely had feelings towards me, right? Hanahaki wasn’t something I needed to worry about. 

“I will Kuro, thanks but you should sleep...We could call tomorrow if you'd like though, before you head to bed” I suggest 

“That sounds great, thanks for calling tonight. But don’t feel bad about it, you're a college kid now so you’re going to be busy. I just hope I get to see you soon” 

“I hope I get to see you soon too, make sure not to stay up too late playing video games alright?” 

“Don’t worry Kuro, goodnight, I love you” I say, not even realizing the words that just left my mouth 

“Oh- um goodnight, I love you too” He said and hung up on me. 

Oh fuck 

I could tell he was taken aback 

I really fucked up this time 

I kind of throw my phone at my bed and let out a groan 

I couldn’t even stop myself 

I should learn to think before I speak to stop stuff like this from happening 

“I'm so sorry Kuro” I whisper and curl up in his sweater 

I felt embarrassed 

And sort of afraid 

I hope Kuro was just tired but meant it back 

I really hope he didn’t feel forced to say it 

But what if he didn’t want to say it anyways? 

What if he didn’t mean it? 

No Kozume you can't think like this 

He does care about you 

He’s just far away and you're here 

Sick and lonely 

Regretting cutting yourself off from your friends 

It's all your fault but you can't do anything about it now 

Just graduate and it'll be over 

You can join Kuro in California 

And be in a happy relationship with him 

That isn't 6000 miles apart 

I tried not to let myself cry but ended up doing so anyways 

I fell asleep like that 

Curled up like pathetic little lovesick a cat 

\--------------------------------------------------------

That morning I didn’t go to school, I could really start to feel the effects of this cold now, it was gross, I felt so gross. 

I laid in bed, sipping water as I played my games. My head was starting to hurt but when I was focused on my 3ds I couldn’t let my mind wander to my confusing relationship. Kuro did say he wanted to call today so I'd just apologize then and let him know it was a slip up. I hope he actually calls though and doesn’t get busy like he occasionally does. 

After maybe another hour of gaming my head hurts too much. I place down the gaming console and stand up, going to the bathroom. 

I bend over the sink and splash cold water in my face 

Keeping my eyes shut as I breathe softly 

When I open my eyes, I let out a gasp and cover my mouth 

There in the sink was bloody cherry blossoms 

Just like a few nights ago 

But I didn’t taste blood this time 

I don’t even think I coughed 

I stare at it as my heart starts to pound against my chest 

No, this isn't happening 

I wake up in a cold sweat, sitting up and looking around. It was just a dream, those flowers weren't there, I'm okay. I still feel sick but I do feel a bit better, I’d rather have a silly cold than throw up flower petals. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

I only had that cold for a few days and felt better when the next week started up. I also had a cold with Kuro and apologized for what I said but he said it was okay, he was just shocked I said it which made me relived. That afternoon he said he loved me, without me saying it first which really made me happy. It was also pretty embarrassing, he said it in such a flirty way but I can't stop those four words from circling in my head 

_“I love you, kitten”_

I thought it was trueuntil an incident that happened the other day. 

I was just in class when I felt my throat start to itch so instead of having the whole class stare at me, I went to the washroom and ended up having a coughing fit. This time I knew the flowers were real, this wasn’t a dream this time, maybe it wasn’t even a dream last time. 

I spent some time in the bathroom, coughing cherry blossoms into the filthy toilet. My throat hurt and my eyes were stinging. 

I was starting to realize this was more serious than just some flowers. 

That website said it could be fatal if not removed 

But I couldn’t just get a surgery that took away all my feelings towards Kuro 

I loved him I really did 

But he didn’t love me back 

That's why this was happening to me 

Hanahaki disease is because of one sided love 

Which means what he had said to me was a lie 

Maybe he did care but he didn't love me 

So, what was I going to do? 

I had no clue 

I just locked myself up in my room and tried to process everything 

I read a few articles on past victims 

Researched what the surgery was like 

Looked at pictures of infected lungs and puddles of bloody flowers 

The people in the pictures looked sad and scared 

I don’t blame them 

I was sad and scared to 

I had a big decision to make with only a few months to make it 

Most victims didn’t live longer than three months, four at most 

I was just grateful I wasn’t coughing up roses 

I had read a story where the victim died as soon as they got the disease because of the rose's thorns ripping up their lungs. 

That really did sound terrifying, I thought it hurt coughing up small cherry blossom petals but having your lungs torn apart from the inside. Love really did hurt.

But this was all the other day. Now it was today and I was stuck in class. I had been stressing out, skipping meals, using my video games to distract myself from my fate. If I told someone would they even believe me? If I asked my parents to get the surgery would they let me? I have a few months before I'm meant to graduate, would I even be able to graduate though if I had to have surgery? 

It’s kind of stupid I know 

I should be doing whatever I can to save my life 

But what's a life without Kuro? 

Maybe this disease messes with your common sense too 

I know I'll find someone that will love me 

One-sided love isn't worth suffocating to death 

\--------------------------------------------------------

I know I said love wasn’t worth dying over but here I am, two months later, having to cough up those stupid cherry blossoms every few hours. Most people die two months in, it's rare to make it to three or even four months and I knew that but I still couldn’t tell anyone, not even my best friend Shoyo. 

This time it had been me getting distant 

Me and Kuro would text ever so often but I didn’t want to risk coughing up any flowers on call with him so we just didn’t 

My heart still ached when I thought about him 

What he was doing 

Maybe he had fallen in love with someone else 

Wouldn’t the symptoms have started sooner if he never loved me? 

That thought kept me up for a few nights 

I had been lacking on sleep 

Lacking on school 

I was basically a dead boy walking at this point 

I'd just sit there in my room 

Listening to some of Kuro’s old voice mail 

While daydreaming of a happy future 

I knew I was just getting sicker but it was nice that no one noticed yet 

I guess it’s a really good thing I didn’t join volleyball this year 

I would have just brought them down 

I haven't even spoken to anyone on the team in months 

I didn’t bother to learn the name of the new setter 

Or the names of the first years 

It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day anyways. 

I lay there in bed with my headphones on, listening to Kuro’s soft voice for the eleventh time that evening at least. Even when I was slowly dying because of him, he never failed to give me butterflies. 

I start coughing again and quickly race over to the bathroom 

Throwing up beautiful blood covered cherry blossoms into the toilet. 

“I love you Kuro... Why can't you just love me...” I whisper and sink to my knees 

Tears falling as I throw up again 

After that I just sit there and try and breathe 

Thank god I can 

It's not my time yet 

I take deep pained breaths, Kuro’s voice still ringing in my ears 

I love you Kuro 

But I can't take this 

I'm afraid of suffocating on these beautiful flowers 

I'm scared 

Once I feel good enough to get up, I do, walking back to room after disposing of the petals. Once I get there, I change from my comfortable pajamas into some casual pants, a t-shirt and Kuro’s sweater. It still smelt like him; it was kind of unbelievable considering I wear it almost all the time. After that I pick up my phone again and put my headphones on my desk. I don’t know what I plan on doing, but I'm finally going with my instincts for once. 

I walk out of my house, walking down the dark street as I open up my messages with Kuro. He had seemed pretty worried about me so I decide to call him. I don’t bother to do the math to figure out what time it is for him, all I know is that its late here and hopefully Kuro would be awake, I needed to hear his voice. 

He ended up rejecting my call which meant he was probably in class 

I felt guilty about it but I called him again, this time getting an answer 

“Kenma what the hell, I'm in the middle of class right now” Well shit, he sounded annoyed 

“I'm sorry Kuro I-” 

“Is this important because I really need to be in class right now, I could call you after okay?” 

“Yeah I'm sorry, it’s not important I just forgot what time it was for you” 

“It's fine, I’ll call back in half an hour” He said and hung up, sounding a bit rushed 

I sigh and continue to walk, holding my phone in my hand as I look around. There's no one out which is nice 

It's quiet 

Once I reach my destination, I take a seat on the sidewalk and watch my phone, waiting until he calls me back. 

**Incoming call from Rooster Head**

2:20 a.m. 

I answer the call and wait a second 

“Please don’t call me while I'm in class okay? You can get in trouble for that in college” 

I nod and let out a small sniffle “I'm sorry if I got you yelled at” 

“It's fine, now what do you need? I only have a few minutes until my next class” 

I take a second to look around my surroundings before looking down 

“I just wanted to apologize for everything I guess, I really love you but I know you don’t love me back. Thank you for always being there for me Kuro, I’m sorry if I've hurt you or ruined any of your opportunities. I'm sorry if Ive disappointed you” 

The other side was silent for a moment 

“Kozume what are you talking about? Are you ending this?” 

I feel warm tears fall down my cheeks when I hear him say my name. 

“I- Yeah, basically... I’m sorry. I don’t want to drag you down anymore. So goodbye Kuro, I love you.” 

“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye for good? Kenma are you okay? Why are you saying all this stuff all of a sudden? What’s wrong?” 

I listen to his voice and cover my mouth before hanging up on him. 

It sounds like I'm saying it for good because I am 

I watch as Kuro starts sending worried messages 

Threatening to call up Lev to come check on me 

As if the tall ass would even wake up to Kuro’s messages. 

I slowly stand up and put the sleeves of his sweater to my face, It’s almost like he's here but he's not. 

Tonight, I'm choosing my own fate, I’m not going to let this one-sided love kill me 

Or at least it won't be the flowers doing it. 

I look down at the view beneath me, dark deep water. 

“I love you Kuro, but I'm sorry, I have to do this” 

Theres no one around to hear my whisper 

No one to see me stand on the edge of that bridge 

But as I turn around and let myself fall; I see the tall asshole himself running up 

I could hear him scream my name as gravity does its work to drag me into the cold mysterious water beneath me 

I fall with a splash, feeling things go black as my body tries to react to the cold, I should have known the impact wouldn’t kill me, the bridge isn't that high up but I definitely did something. 

I feel like I’m bleeding, like somethings broken 

I try to let myself just sink but my brain is controlling my body 

Making it flail about as I breathe in the salty water 

Right before I go unconscious, I hear sirens 

I would have been dead if Lev hadn't shown up 

How the hell did he even know where I was anyways? 

\--------------------------------------------------------

I could feel myself being dragged out of the water and driven to the hospital 

I could hear people panicking 

They had gotten the water out of my lungs which woke me up 

I opened my eyes and gasped for air before passing out again 

The pain was too much for me to handle 

I swear if Lev sees me like this I'm jumping again. 

I wake up in a hospital bed connected to tubes and wires, covered in bandages 

In the corner I see my parents who are crying 

Thank god Lev’s not here 

I don’t like the guy but I do feel kind of bad that he saw that 

I try and move but just end up making a pained nose which gets my parents attention 

They come over and start lecturing me, telling me how stupid I was but, in the end, they hugged me and told me they loved me. At least someone loved me. 

I couldn’t speak because of the tube going down my throat 

I found out that while I was in surgery, they had removed the infection from my lungs because it was becoming too dangerous 

I guess that’s for the best 

I had broken up with Kuro 

But maybe he knows what I did 

Lev probably called him 

I just hope he stays where he is 

I shut my eyes and hear the door open just to hear someone run towards me directly after. 

I open my eyes and am met with _his_

Did Kuro really just get on a plane to come all the way here? 

He looked so scared but when his eyes met mine, he looked relived. 

“Kozume what the fuck! Why would you do that?” He seemed upset but I didn’t blame him 

I try to apologize but just end up choking on the tube in my throat. 

I look up at him, trying to apologize with my eyes. Kuro I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. 

“You should have talked to me! I know I'm busy but if you need me I'm there for you! I’m sorry I got annoyed when you called me last night but you should have told me!” By now he was crying, breaking down beside mt bed 

I had never seen him so vulnerable 

So weak. 

I move my hand and take his weakly, holding it as tightly as I could so he knew I was alive and here. I don’t love you anymore, but you're still my best friend Kuro, I shouldn’t have tried to kill myself but it hurt too bad. Who said love couldn’t kill? It could drive people mad, make them do stupid things, like jump off a bridge. 

I want to apologize but I know I couldn’t so I just laid there and let him cry into my arm. 

It still hurts 

Seeing him so distraught 

My parents are just sitting there watching 

I don’t think any of us know what to do. 

It felt kind of peaceful 

I wasn’t coughing and the pain killers I was on were strong so there wasn’t lots of pain 

Kuro had stopped crying but hadn't said anything 

He just sat there holding my hand with his face against my arm 

I shut my eyes and suddenly my hearts pounding and there's a loud beeping from beside me 

I feel Kuro stand up 

He’s saying something but I can't hear him 

A few doctors rush inside my room as a nurse tries to drag Kuro out 

Everything happens so fast 

Then things just go dark 

Guess this really is the end. 

Kuro watches from the hallway as the doctors look down at me in defeat. 

“I love you Kozume” He says, feeling a tickle in his throat. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! It means a lot. Please leave your thoughts in the comments


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